hotel room ftw
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
