i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
