do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
