I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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