I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Your penis caused this!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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