At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
