My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
