I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
