two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
