it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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