i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
