my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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