when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
