i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
