Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
