the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
