I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think my moral compass just broke
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