remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
