well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You've changed since you got that strap on
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
