is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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