i think i have herpe
just one?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
