You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
