I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
