I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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