It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
whose ass print is on the piano?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
