i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
