can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
