The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
