is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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