Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she told me i tasted like america
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
