this beer tastes like vomit already
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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