Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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