What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
