she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ketchup is God's man juice
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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