I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize