mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
