Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
