They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
