you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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