I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
