Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
