Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
