Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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