Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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