These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
