You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
