I'm really into asian looking animals
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm like, not good at living.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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