bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
