The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
try to milk me bitch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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