Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
