I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
