What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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