TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Found the puke drawer
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
