i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
