She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize