I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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