She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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