Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
