I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
