pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize