So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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