Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
