some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
