Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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