I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
