i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
