Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the day after is always just damage control
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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