At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
