You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
