Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize