U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
