im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize