i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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