Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
