I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize