He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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