Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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