Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
