glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
