I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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