So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
