matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
