HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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