I wish I only lived at night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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