3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
