Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
