He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
