Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I will pee on everything he values.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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